SIGNS OF POSSIBLE INCEST

THESE ARE SIGNS THAT MAY MEAN AN INDIVIDUAL IS BEING INCESTED OR WAS INCESTED IN THE PAST.  THEY MAY POINT TO OTHER PROBLEMS AS WELL, BUT THE GREATER THE NUMBER OF THEM THAT APPLY TO A PERSON, THE MORE LIKELY INCEST IS RESPONSIBLE.

Whether the behavior changes are sudden or gradual they must addressed and understood.  These changes include a wide range of conduct including:

-Aggressive/boisterous behavior- hitting, pushing, yelling at others, throwing tantrums…any of these can be the result of holding in the confusion, fear and anger caused by incest and releasing it on others around them.

-Isolation-wanting to be alone,  uneasiness/anxiety around others, hiding behind a loved one, hiding in closets and other small areas, running away,

-Sleep problems-fear of bedtime, anxiety about being alone in a room, nightmares(especially of being chased or seeking a place to hide), bed wetting

-Site Anxiety/Fear/Avoidance-fear of a particular place or room in home…often bedroom, bathroom, attic, basement or cellar, garage, shed or other area where the incestor has more privacy and less chance of being discovered

-Extended Sadness/Depression-especially if child is unable to explain why they feel the way they do,  the “secret” of incest is too heavy to bear

-Religious zealousness-person absorbs themself in religion to the point of obsession

-Unusual bathroom habits-refusal to defecate(may sit on floor in bathroom to hold bowel movements in), hiding behind fixtures, soiling themself with feces

-Avoidance of individual/certain activity-if a person shows anxiety or fear about seeing someone or about going anywhere alone with that person, making excuses to stay away or pretending to be ill

-Early age masturbation-especially compulsive behavior or masturbating publicly

-Play Behavior with sexual overtones-holding dolls in sexual positions, speaking for dolls using phrases or words that are not age appropriate

-Low self-esteem-feelings of worthlessness,  saying they are a “bad” person, but not being able to say why

-Inability to swallow pills-if a person is unable to take a pill orally when it is common behavior at their age, it may be a resistance to oral activity tied in with the fear of forced oral behavior during incest

-TMJ-initials for trans-mandibular jaw disease-very painful condition where jaw moves into unnatural positions or unlocks…this may begin as a reult of the mouth being forced open

-Cruelty to animals or insects

-Self-Injury-tearing skin, picking or biting nails, pulling hair/eyelashes/eyebrows out, cutting skin, burning skin

-Suicidal talk/thoughts/behavior

-Desire to change name-indicates an inner compulsion to rid oneself of the name that has been tarnished by incest and the pain associated with it

-Body memories-even if the mind has repressed/blocked the memory of incest…the body does remember and discomfort, unexpected urges and body aches can be signs of what happened

-Eating disorders- anorexia, bulemia, overeating to cover the pain, becoming obese to make oneself less sexually desirable…all these can be caused by incest

-Alcohol/drug abuse-often used as a way to escape trauma of any type

-Obssessive Compulsive Disorder-(OCD)-the need to obssessively clean oneself or ones surroundings, to repeat checking locks, making sure the stove and iron are off etc. can all stem from incest and the need to have control over things when we have experienced “being totally controlled” against our will

-Sexual addiction/sexual frigidity-going to either extreme can mean that incest has damaged our self image

-Wearing loose, baggy clothing-attempting to hide/protect ourselves from sexual advances

-Fear of abandonment-accentuated because  incest perpetrators frequently use  threats that family will be destroyed if the victim tells anyone of the incest

-Inability to trust-often difficult to ascertain, but trust is destroyed by incest

Please write me with any comments, questions or suggestions you may have.  I’m very open to hearing your thoughts and your experiences!

Read Full Post »

Fears and Medical Problems Often Tied to Incest

Two other behaviors that began in my childhood are now known to often be tied to incest.

One is a difficulty or inability to swallow pills.  For years of my childhood up to my early teens, I could not take a pill with water.  My mom would grind them up and put them in apple sauce or pudding.  I did the same with the pills I raided from the medicine cabinet.  Many times when I did try to swallow a pill with water, I’d gag as soon as I put it on my tongue.  Even all these years later, there are times when I try to take a pill and I literally forget how to swallow.  I get scared that I won’t remember how to do such a basic function.   I also developed TMJ in my 30’s and have had flare ups ever since.  Some have been extremely painful.  TMJ (Transmandibular jaw disease) is a weakening of the jaws connections to the facial structure.  One side of my upper jaw slips out of place and results in pain until returned to it’s correct position.

Both of these conditions can result from the sexual abuse of incest.  Forcing a child’s small jaw open too wide in order to obtain oral sexual satisfaction often causes these conditions.  Being unable to swallow pills can be the result of being forced to swallow semen or to take things orally that are feared.  In addition being afraid to go to the dentist may result from the fear of having to open your mouth and not being in control of what is being done.  It is too similar to all the times when you were incested and forced to do things with your mouth that were hideous.  Also, in incest situations, the victim feels as if they are choking and unable to breathe. 

I was finally able to swallow pills (at least most of the time) by my early teens.  The TMJ will be a life long difficulty.  I was an adult before I ever tied either of these problems into possible signs of incest.  I also have a fear of drowning or smothering that I believe is tied into childhood incest in the same way as the other problems discussed.

Read Full Post »